


Loving Care

by RollinsObsessed



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Comfort, Developing Relationship, F/F, Realization
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-01-16 20:16:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21277073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RollinsObsessed/pseuds/RollinsObsessed
Summary: Only my second fanfic. This is going to be multiple chapters. Hope you Enjoy!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Only my second fanfic. This is going to be multiple chapters. Hope you Enjoy!

Olivia began to reread the same paragraph she had tried to read 5 times before, yet again. But, after having finished the paragraph and still not having a clue what the paragraph meant, she decided that the file she had been working on for the past half an hour would have to wait till tomorrow. The events from earlier today still scarring her mind, making her unable to focus on anything else. Instead, making her mind focus on someone it shouldn’t be on. Someone she’d tried to take it off many times, but, the person never failing to get past the brick walls of her mind, and stuck, always making itself known at the most inappropriate and random times. Though, this time, she knew why this person was plaguing her mind, and she knew that in someway, she needed to take care of it. Whether it was going to be easy or not, she was going to try. Even if the individual denied it, she needed to help. She sighed and sat back in her chair. Her glasses hung from her index finger before dropping down onto the scattered papers on her desk with a soft thud. Olivia tried in vain to brush out her hair with her fingers, but it knew it was attempt futile. The case the squad had been working on had taken precedence over the detectives lives, including hair, meaning that hers was in desperate need of a proper wash. Olivia took a moment to stretch her sore and tired limbs before looking out of the blinds of her office at the other body in the squad room. Amanda Rollins. 

She couldn't stop herself from imagining the bruises marking the detective’s torso, arms, and face, and the thought of the traumatic sickens her to the core. What had supposed to be a simple arrest for the suspect in a child pornagraphy ring, had turned into a near death experience for the young detective. According to the story she was told, Amanda had knocked on the door with Fin standing to her left. After a few minutes of waiting, the two partners had decided to kick the door open. Typical cop approach. When they had stepped inside, the suspect was hiding in the living room, and took an unsuspecting Fin by surprise and knocking him unconscious with a baseball bat he had handy. Amanda, unable to react fast enough, had her own gun taken, and proceeded to get beaten by the suspect, then had her own gun held to her head, the suspect intending to use her as a human shield. Despite several hours of the SWAT team and hostage negotiators trying to talk him out of it, the perp had sealed his own fate in forgetting to take Fin’s gun. With Fin being rushed off to the hospital, Amanda had borne the brunt of interviews and interrogations. Everyone had been shaken up. But Amanda, for obvious reasons, more than others. 

By the time everyone had gotten back to the precinct, Amanda had looked like she was about to snap. So, she hadn’t been surprised when the blonde had stormed straight to the bathrooms just when they walked in the door. What she hadn’t expected, was the shine of tears shining in her bright blue eyes. At the time, Olivia had chalked it up to the realization and shock of what had just happened. But as time passed, and she kept thinking about it, a thought came back to her. It had been another rare moment when Amanda had revealed a part of her childhood to Olivia. She had mentioned that her father had abused her mother when Amanda was a child. What if? Did her father abuse Amanda to? With work still to do, she pushed it to the back to her mind, but as she thinks back to it, she wonders if something did actually happened to Amanda.

Coming back to the present, she roughly combs through her disheveled hair again with her fingers before confirming that the paperwork will have to wait until tomorrow. She closes the half finished file and pushes up from her chair. She brushes her crumpled blazer down out of habit. She glances up again to see the blond detective staring into space. A tiny wrinkle placed in between the two pale brows. The porcelain skin of the detective looking paler than usual, yet, the light blush that usually marks her cheekbones is still visible. The golden strands of her hair looks as though it had been hastily pulled back into a messy ponytail. Her colleagues state of her blazer looking much like her own. The lieutenant’s heart clenches at the sad, forlorn look on the young woman’s face. Looking into the blank eyes of the blonde she sees something else lurking behind the pale blue eyes of the younger woman, yet, she can’t put her finger on it. Still looking at the detective, she can’t find it in her heart to let the younger woman go home alone tonight.

Unable to continue sitting there and stalking her detective, Olivia pushes up from her chair. She places her hands flat on her desk, fingers spread apart, and searched her mind for a way to try and talk the blonde into coming over to her apartment. Though she knew this would be no easy feat, Amanda’s reluctance for accepting help much like her own, she felt determined to do it. She briefly thought of doing this a different day, a day when she was less tired, but promptly pushed the option out of her mind, knowing that this needed to happen, or she at least needed to try to make it happen. Straightening back up, she began to walk to her office door. The sound of the heels clicking softy against the tile floor, sounding very loud in the otherwise silent office. Olivia opened the door, the noise seemingly not alerting Amanda of her presence, as she still sat staring into space. Olivia, then, leaned on the doorframe of her office, the blonde still not noticing her.

“Hey, Amanda?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really short but I just needed to get another chapter out. Hope you enjoy! :)

_ Olivia opened the door, the noise seemingly not alerting Amanda of her presence, as she still sat staring into space. Olivia, then, leaned on the doorframe of her office, the blonde still not noticing her. _

_ “Hey, Amanda?” _

_ _

Still no response.

“Amanda?” She tries again. Nothing. Not even a little recognition or a flicker behind those blue eyes; like she’s not there. She's physically there, but her mind isn’t. Now, Olivia was worried. This wasn’t like how the blonde usually acts at all; the detective always put together, stoic, and overall ready to work. Normally, even in her worst moments, the blonde’s awareness of her surroundings are usually on point; the blonde always wanting to be in control and aware of everything around her. 

Olivia frowned and pushed off the door. She stepped forward a bit, not wanted to crowd Amanda when she came back to the present moment, but also wanting the detective to notice her presence. The brunette waved her hand in the air, trying to gain the blonde’s attention without touching her for fear of a startled response. 

“Amanda!” Olivia said again, raising her voice. Finally, Amanda blinked a couple of times, as if coming out of a fog. Her eye’s color coming back bit by bit, from a pale blue to a bright ocean, slowly, gaining recognition of her surroundings. Olivia had a gentle smile on her face but couldn’t keep the worry lines from between her eyebrows and the creasing from the corners of her eyes. Amanda, finally aware of her surroundings, tried to tamp down the rapidly spreading blush flowing across her cheeks, turning her face a bright crimson red, Olivia’s heart swelling at the adorable sight. The young detective mentally calling herself every curse word she can think of for being so out of it, for letting her some of her actual feelings and trama show, this was supposed to be kept behind the closed doors of her apartment- the crying, the blank stares, the mind seeming placed in a faraway place- not here.  _ Especially _ , not in front of Olivia, her superior, her idol, her  _ crush _ . Amanda glanced back up at Olivia’s kind face, trying to keep eye contact but ultimately failing and having to look back down. Shifting uncomfortably in her chair, she straightened her back back up from it’s slumped over position, clearing her throat awkwardly, automatically thinking of any and all ways to get away from this situation and quickly as possible.

“You okay?” Olivia asked, a worried look etched across her face. Her eyes stayed locked onto the blondes face, but her mind was drifting far away. Drifting into lands she’d tried to push down for years. Lands into which were-in her mind- a simple fantasy; a simple attraction. Ones that she had denied and lied to herself about since a certain young blonde had strode into her life four year before. And even though no matter how many times she told herself it wasn’t, that young woman was indeed, Amanda Rollins.Though she would never admit it, she thought Amanda was attractive, sometimes even hot depending on the outfit. Yet she couldn’t stop that certain feeling from poking through the brick barricades she’d built up for years.

“No. Stop.” Olivia mentally berated her self, “Amanda is just a coworker; a friend. Not to mention you’re her boss.” She thought. She internally shook away that thought. Yet, she couldn’t stop the gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach pulling-clawing-her back to those blue eyes and golden hair. She was brought back to the present when a scoff went off in front of her.

“I’m fine Liv.” She said, “Just finishing up this paperwork and heading home.”

“Paperwork can wait until tomorrow Amanda.” she paused, her next sentences, she knew, could set off a number of different reactions, “Why don’t you go home now? It’s been a long day.” She offered. 

“Thanks, but no. I’m fine.” She frowned as Olivia advanced toward her. Standing behind Amanda’s chair, Olivia plucks the blondes light jacket from the back of her chair. Holding the item, she moves to stand next to the desk, gazing down at the confused detective. 

“Liv-” She tries to ask the seasoned lieutenant, but gets interrupted.

“Come on, Amanda. I‘m taking you home.” Olivia proclaims.

“What-” she starts, “Not to be out of line or anything, but didn’t I  _ just  _ say that I’m finishing this paperwork, and  _ then _ going home?”

“You did, but now I’m saying, you’re going home now.” When the blondes lips part she instantly knows it’s going to be an objection, so she says quickly, “That's an order.” 

The detectives jaw snaps shut but mutters a, “You don't need to do that, I can get home by myself.” before getting up from her chair nonetheless, grabbing the held out jacket from Liv, and sliding it onto her arms. Olivia watches as the blonde winces from the movement, her pale brows pulled together and mouth twisted in pain, the action obviously putting a strain on her body, and her injuries making themselves known. Amanda looks up after struggling to put the item of clothing on, and upon seeing the concerned look gracing the brunettes face, pulls her face into an unreadable mask, trying to conceal any emotions lurking beneath the surface. Though unable to hide every emotion, the smallest one peeks through, making themselves known in the form of a light blush creeping up her chest up to her cheeks and an awkward cough bubbling up from her throat.

Olivia, deciding to deal with this particular issue when she gets the chance, says, “Let’s get you home.”

Amanda nods reluctantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said at the beginning, this is REALLY short, but hope you enjoyed nonetheless. I don't really know where to go with this so any reviws or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty short, but I hope you enjoyed! :)

_ Olivia, deciding to deal with this particular issue when she gets the chance, says, “Let’s get you home.” _

_   
Amanda nods reluctantly.  _

* * *

“I don’t need a damn babysitter,Olivia.” 

Amanda looks at her with an almost confused look on her face. As if she is astonished that Olivia would even consider this type of offering; and honestly, the announcement, isn’t the least bit surprising for Olivia to hear after she offers to spend the detective’s apartment. It had been a tense, silent minute since the offering, and Olivia had been holding her breath since the words escaped her mouth. The moment they did though, she couldn’t help but cursing herself for ever saying it. She knew that it had been too soon; that she should’ve tried to offer her apartment, or even do this a different day entirely. So, she had almost been glad that the blonde had declined, just so the uncomfortable silence and the thudding of her own heart in her ears would stop.

“Just for one night,” Olivia sighs with a roll of her eyes as the come to a halt outside of the blonde’s apartment door. The blonde’s eyes have now taken a fiery blue, and she knows from experience that the smaller woman is going to fight this. Before the blonde can though, Olivia holds up her hand, halting the blonde from doing so. “I just want to make sure that you are going to be okay for the next while since I know this day was hard for you.”

“I thought you were just dropping me off at my door, not planning a damn slumber party,” Amanda retorts irritably. Olivia’s lips part as if to say something back, but the detective promptly interrupts her. “Sorry, I didn’t mean for that to sound rude, but I’ll be fine Liv.” Amanda’s hand reaches into her pocket and Olivia watches it fumble around before finding the key to her apartment. “I’ve been taking care of myself my whole life and I’ve generally been doing a good job at it, even if I’m sick or injured.” Olivia watches her pale hand tremble as she slides the key into the lock and the door swings open. “Not that I don’t appreciate you driving me home, but I’ll be fine, so you’re free to leave at anytime.”

Olivia is highly tempted to take the blonde up on her offer as she had been very close to strangling the detective because of her petulant attitude at the precinct, and on the journey here, but her hesitation and cautiousness for leaving the blond alone, trumps any other feelings she has. She watches as Amanda walks into her apartment, leaving the door open in front of Olivia. Not really inviting her in, but not saying she can’t be there, so she goes in. 

She closes the door softly behind her with a soft click, taking the time she has to remove her jacket and place it on the hook next to the door. She watches as Amanda collapses on the couch, spread out in the middle, showing a false sense of bravado and ease. But, Olivia knows on the inside, though she may never get the blonde to admit it, she must be reeling. 

Olivia knows from experience what it feels like, even though their experiences had been different; the feeling of worthlessness and humiliation, while still trying to prove to others that you are completely fine, that this was just another day, that you can move on easily. Making your brain fight against itself, giving you a constant headache emotionally. Not to mention the past memories and emotions it might bring up. Making the inevitable flashbacks and daily zoning out sessions ten times worse. Yet even though Olivia has  _ all _ of that previous knowledge, she seems to be drawing a blank on how to approach the younger detective sprawled out on the couch. Her confidence she had built up earlier in the night drained out of her as she faces the task of doing the thing she had previously planned-albeit hastily.

She’s done this same process hundreds of times before without blinking, easily getting reluctant victims to open up and flourish in her palms. But the fact that it’s her detective, someone she knows and cares about, makes this so much more difficult. Or, it could be because it’s Amanda, but of course, she’ll never admit that. 

The heels of her shoes click against the dark wooden floor of Amanda's apartment floor, and she is faced with another dilemma, though this one isn’t that severe and she chalks it up to her pent up anxiety over the situation.  _ Should she take off her shoes to show she’s planning on staying for a while.  _ She solves it by quickly making the decision to take off her shoes, to prove to Amanda-and herself- she is determined to stay here in the long run. She chances another glance back up at the blonde detective to see her staring blankly at the black screen of the television in front of her. Olivia sighs and bends down to lower the zippers of both of her shoes. The sound rippling through the silent area. The brunette carefully steps out of the shoes and picks them up by the tops to place them next to the door. 

She turns around to see the detective right where she last saw her; the blonde not moving so much so that for a quick moment the lieutenant fears that she has stopped breathing. Even though she _ is _ breathing, the slow but steady rise and fall of her chest is the only move my she makes. Olivia quietly makes her way over to the couch, her socks against the floor makes much less sound on the hardwood than her shoes had. Her movement past the blonde seems to rouse Amanda out of her daze and her gaze flickers up the the brunette before straightening her back and sitting up on the back of the couch, turning her body toward the left side of the living room. 

An awkward silence takes over the room as Olivia takes a seat on a chair across from the couch; Olivia looking at the back of Amanda’s head and Amanda looking out the window to her left. Olivia coughs awkwardly trying to do anything to make conversation without actually speaking. She watches as a dark red blush spreads up the blondes chest, up her neck, and mixes with the already there blush on her cheeks. Although she so dearly wants to, something in her can’t stop her dark chocolate eyes from watching it travel. Aside from the blush traveling up, she knows the blonde heard her from her blue eyes twitching ever so slightly in her direction. Olivia mentally shakes her head and looks up from the now bright red skin toward the disheveled ponytail facing her. Golden tresses poking out of the elastic holding it most of it together. Other flyaway strands standing slightly up into the air, mixing into Amanda’s signature side bangs. The blonde head suddenly moves and she looks up from the hair to see Amanda’s head dipping slightly, her eyes staring intently at her lap. All of a sudden, an idea strikes for Olivia; one she thinks will be the easiest to work for her. If Amanda doesn’t allow her to do _even_ _this, _she doesn’t know if this night will work out the way she planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews and comments are appreciated! Hope you enjoyed! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im soooo sorry it took so long for this next chapter to be written but a bunch of personal stuff came up. :( So this is really short and just a transition chapter but I felt the need to just get something out. Anyway, hope you enjoy! :)

_ All of a sudden, an idea strikes for Olivia; one she thinks will be the easiest to work for her. If Amanda doesn’t allow her to do even this, she doesn’t know if this night will work out the way she planned. _

* * *

She looks away from the body sitting on the couch in front of her, allowing herself to gather her thoughts. Her next plan on her long list is to try and see if she can look at Amanda’s injuries, hoping-praying- that the small action will help Amanda find some trust in her. She can already tell that doing so will be difficult just judging by the standoffish manner being presented by Amanda. 

“Hey, Amanda,” she asked quietly. Despite her gentle and soft tone, Amanda flinched violently, her head whipping around and ponytail following suit, worrying Olivia deeply. Extreme emotion played deep in her blue eyes for a moment before her face smoothed out into an emotionless mask, similar to the one she wore before Olivia had walked over to the couch. The brunette paused slightly, wondering if this approach was the right thing to do next. But ultimately she decided that doing this would be the easiest thing to do in the blondes current state. “Would it be okay if I could seen our injuries from earlier today?”

Amanda’s head tilted slightly to the side. Curious blue eyes searched Olivia’s tan face and she let her, knowing that trust needed to be gained between the two and letting Amanda see for herself that she meant no harm and that she was only trying to help, was an important step to start with. Olivia letting Amanda do this, did not go as well as she expected, although she knew that this would be hard. Gradually the young detective’s eyebrows were brought together in a frown of confusion and anger. Her mouth twisted up with them and the older of the two knew that her way of reaching out would be firmly rejected even before it left her mouth. “What?” Amanda asked. Olivia knew that though a question was asked, it was not meant as one, and from experiance, she knew that Amanda would “ Why do you want to see them? It’s just bruised and you already know what happened.”

“I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Olivia calmly returned. 

“I’m here aren’t I?” Amanda spat, “I’m alive!” She turned her head toward the window again, looking out at the city. The blinds on the window not being able to hide the bright moonlight that peeked through the ironically dark clouds that were more than likely hidden in the dark sky of the night. Olivia didn’t take her retort seriously as she knew that before she had therapy, she would have been just as hostile towards these types of concerns and questions.

“Amanda, please, just look at me.” She responded tiredly. Even though she had prepared herself and knew that this sort of response to her concern would be likely, it was proving to be tougher than she thought just to get to this first step. This wasn’t even close to what her goal was and getting the blonde to confirm and admit what Olivia is suspecting to have happened when she was a child, seemed to get farther and farther out of her grasp. The one thing she had on her side was the fact that with the way the young blonde was acting now, after the attack, and the fact that she had already disclosed that something had happened during her childhood, hopefully shows that she may be ready to talk about it, or is at her breaking point;. Regardless of the tough persona being portrayed by her now, though Olivia’s hoping she can break through that. “Amanda, please,” she continues desperately. Upon hearing the tone in the lieutenants voice, Amanda turns slowly back around. 

Before she is able to face Olivia, her face scrunches up, undoubtedly from the strain of her bruised body beneath her clothes. Knowing she showed her pain to the brunette, she slowly glances up at the tan face looking down at her. The lieutenant’s head is tilted slightly to the side with her hair hanging down, deep brown eyes are staring intently down into her own blues, and one eyebrow arched high in her forehead. Olivia radiates am attitude that just says an irritated “ _ see what I mean _ ” with more than a little concern poking through. 

Knowing she’s never going to get out of this, Amanda sighs and gets ready for the spiel that she expects is about to come out of Olivia. She more than a little surprised when it doesn’t. Olivia, for her part, knew a rant telling the blonde all that she’s done wrong and proving her point in various different ways wouldn’t do anything, just says a few sentences instead. 

“Amanda, it’s clear to see that you’re in pain. I just want to make sure you don’t need any medicine or ice.” She knows that the blonde probably does and is likely downplaying her very painful injuries, and from the past movement Amanda made, acknowledges that every move must put a strain on them. 

She pauses, not knowing whether or not her next statement is an appropriate one for this situation. But after a split second decision, she decides that in order to build up trust between them, Olivia is going to have to go out of the boundaries for normal coworkers. But to be honest, its something that shes been wanting to do for a while. Just to establish a connection between them.

“And,” she looks sympathetically down at the blonde, “I know today’s been hard,” she finishes. When Amanda looks up at her in surprise to her such minimal words coming out of the brunette, Olivia feels her heart clench for a couple reasons. One, surprise for not being yelled at by the lieutenant should never be a good thing, even though that wasn’t her intent when it comes to discipline. Two, Amanda’s deep but ironically bright eyes never fails to make her heart melt. And yet again, though she’s never admit it to herself, let alone others, it doesn’t matter whether those blue eyes looking at her during a conversation about a case or a heartfelt moment between the two, this  _ feeling  _ that spreads through her being is a reoccurring thing, and she often sits in the confines of her office just to look at the beauty outside her window, even though saying it out loud makes her seem like a stalker.

Little did she know, the blonde that has captivated her mind, body, and thoughts, has been doing the same thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! :) Again, sorry for the wait. :(

**Author's Note:**

> Hoped you enjoyed this first chapter! Criticism is appreciated!


End file.
